Last week, I watched my youngest son, a college junior, drive away from home en route to his off-campus apartment in California. As it happens every time one of my kids leave, a part of me broke. Especially knowing that because of COVID, I won’t be flying out to watch him play his big bass drum during halftime at a football game. And it’s the first time any of the kids have left for college without definitive plans for their next trip home.
As I mourned the loss and struggled with the uncertainty, I reminded myself how grateful I am that my co-parent and I raised three launch-able kids.
Truth be told, a big part of me wished my son would have stayed home and studied online. But he wanted to go back, and he’s proven himself to be a responsible young adult many times over, especially through the pandemic. So as he loaded up the car with his stuff, I supplemented with disinfecting wipes and spray, several boxes of disposable masks, a fully stocked medical kit including a pulse oximeter, an instant-read thermometer and electrolyte tabs -- hoping for the best.
Your student is likely departing soon as well and like the majority of families you’re in the thick of final travel preparations. Yet surprisingly, some campuses are still in flux.
As of this writing, about a quarter of the nearly 3,000 colleges and universities in the U.S. have not yet decided which educational approach their campus will take: fully online; primarily online; hybrid; primarily in person; fully in person; and “other” (whatever that might mean). Not only is there no national standard, even within large cities, schools are taking varied approaches.
It almost doesn’t matter which pedagogical approach campuses are taking because absolutely nothing will be “normal” about college this year. The near-total loss of a normative college experience -- developing new learning communities, dorm life, study abroad, football season, Greek life, if desired -- is hard on everyone. As parents, we need to manage our own feelings of sadness even as we help our kids manage their expectations.
Considering the high-stakes decision schools are making by welcoming students back to campus, most have exhaustive plans for mitigating contagion on campus, including:
· Strictly scheduled and time-limited dorm drop-offs
· Online dorm orientations and at some schools, no roommates
· No parent-and-family weekends
· Mask-wearing and social distancing mandates
· Increased number of remote classes
· Grab-and-go vs. sit-down cafeterias
· Big Ten, PAC-12 and other sports (plus bands) off the calendar for Fall
· Size limits for gatherings
· Spring study abroad cancelled
· Regularly coronavirus testing
· Codified quarantine plans for infected students
· Severe penalties (suspension and/or expulsion) for those who don’t comply.
Despite the many precautions, every parent is justifiably worried that no matter how careful your kids are, they could contract COVID-19 -- or a campus-wide outbreak could occur. Already a dorm at Colorado College is under quarantine and UNC reported COVID-19 positivity rates at Campus health up from 2.8% to 13.6% in just one week resulting in a complete shift to remote learning for undergraduates.
That’s precisely what parents and students need to plan for. Here’s how:
Flex your parental muscles before they leave. COVID fatigue has set in for a lot of young people. It’s understandable: being vigilant isn’t particularly fun. Our college-bound kids need to understand that they are the sole arbiters of their health and safety on and off campus. That means establishing boundaries with roommates and friends from the start and calling out those who act recklessly. If necessary, they must advocate for themselves by reaching out to administrators or parents for guidance and support.
Have an inviolable communications agreement. No matter how cautious your child is or how much you’ve drilled the importance of safety measures into them, they still may get sick. In some cases, they may be reluctant to tell you. Have an agreement that they will let you know if they start to have any kind of symptoms. They must believe you’re their 9-1-1, no matter what.
HIPPA. Another top priority is to be sure they’ve signed off on the required HIPPA forms so medical providers can legally talk to you if they get sick.
Medical care. Find out in advance what on-campus Health Services are available whether your kid gets COVID or has a chronic condition that increases their risk. Your child needs to know what resources are available. Also, identify a physician/telehealth provider and a hospital near campus. Finally, think through several scenarios whereby near-by relatives or friends may be able to help if your child gets COVID-19 and needs assistance.
Have an exit strategy. If there’s a major outbreak on campus and the school shuts down, they will need an exit plan. This includes knowing what transportation method they will use to get them home or where they’ll stay if they remain.
As parents inevitably learn, no matter how well we plan, nothing is set in stone -- especially now. The best parents can do is be nimble, flexible and ready to pivot as quickly as required. Our children need to be a part of this planning and we need to continue to help them anticipate consequences and think through scenarios.
Pandemic life feels more like a wartime environment than anything I’ve ever experienced as a parent. It’s just that this “enemy” is invisible to the naked eye. All we can do is prepare our kids as best we can, then hope they practice healthy behaviors and adhere to the moral compass we helped them develop.