Parenting during a pandemic is like nothing parents have ever had to face.
The dangers of the coronavirus led to a lockdown, working remotely, homeschooling, addressing our kids’ compounding disappointments, at-home-summer-camp coordination -- not to mention monitoring regular hand-washing, masks and social distancing. Altogether, it’s been over four months of unparalleled stress. If your kids are still upright at the end of each day, you have done an outstanding job. No question about it.
So at this mid-summer juncture, I wanted to simply say Bravo, Parents!
In truth, I have been blown away by my clients’ and other parents’ resilience during the last four months. I’ve heard (and experienced) just how hard it is to do one’s paying job while managing all the extra roles parents have had to take on -- and this goes doubly for parents of young and school-aged kids. More disheartening, every parent has had to deal with the uncertainty, ambiguity and fear about how long this situation might last, feelings that sometimes permeate every (sometimes-unending) day.
In talking to parents, several approaches that have been especially helpful have repeated themselves with regularity:
· A literal change of scenery, if resources allow…or a virtual shift in daily / weekly activities if you’re unable to leave home
· A resurgence of and increase in family meetings, so that every member of the family can get involved and buy into helping the family thrive despite the difficulties
· Cooperating and creating opportunities for family engagement versus pointing fingers at who’s not doing what
· Preparing and eating at least one meal a day as a family
· Relinquishing some of the 100% hands-on care we wrongly think a “good” parent always provides
Still, I have to acknowledge that even these things don’t make the problems related to the coronavirus go away or give us a sense of what the future holds, which is the thing we and our children are craving most.
For parents, “not knowing” is probably one of the biggest challenges of the pandemic. After all, parents are accustomed to coming up with solutions to the constant flow of problems life and kids throw our way, but at this moment we have no control over what happens outside our homes -- even though it affects us profoundly. We can’t control the virus. We can’t control government mandates. We can’t make plans that our kids can count on. There are tons of what-ifs.
Given all this stress and uncertainty, every parent is experiencing burnout and major COVID fatigue. That’s why I invite every parent to make sure taking care of yourself is at the very top of your list each day. Try using these suggestions or craft some techniques that work for you:
· Mindfulness / Meditation / Deep breathing (include the kids if you can)
· Regular exercise and outside time
· Consistent bedtime / wake-up schedules
· Color…listen to music…rock in a rocking chair or hammock -- anything that is self-soothing
· Limit multi-tasking
· REPEAT daily…and at any point when you become anxious about the uncertainty of it all
Most important, give yourselves a pat on the back for all you and your family have weathered these last four months.
As each week has passed -- without being conscious of it -- your family has been writing the story of your resilience during an exceptional time in human history. So take a few minutes during a quiet time and jot down some memories of your family’s COVID chapter. Write down the things you’ve accomplished against enormous odds. Take the time to note the things that worked and even those that didn’t. Reflect on what your kids have learned -- and the surprisingly things you’ve learned about them as they’ve weathered their COVID experience.
Above all, acknowledge that while you may not have done it perfectly, you’ve survived and your family is intact and perhaps even thriving in some ways. You’ve been great. So please, revel in it.
The next chapter is just ahead.