The current academic year is pivotal for families, largely because it’s the first ostensibly “normal” scholastic experience since March 2020. Given the return to routine, parents might be inclined to simply breathe a huge sigh of relief convinced they and their kids are finally free from the myriad pandemic-induced educational stressors of the last two years.
However, given the recent reports on the “impacts of the coronavirus pandemic on learning,” now is the time for parents to pay even keener attention to their kids’ school experience. To ensure their return to academic life is as smooth as possible, consider this comprehensive 4-step process.
Step 1: Pay Attention
Stop and think about your kids’ behavior in the last few weeks. Have they started resisting going to school? Are they having trouble with assignments? Do they bound into the kitchen after school full or stories or do they throw their knapsack down and retreat to their room? Have you noticed behavioral changes such as difficulty sleeping, eating changes, friendship shifts, or dropping out of a once-favored extracurricular activity?
Children -- of all ages -- want to be successful at school. They need their parents’ attentiveness and actions to say “I hear you; I see you. And I’m here to help you be your best.” That makes your observational skills indispensable to identifying potential academic or school social challenges.
Step 2: Intervene
Some kids willingly share their concerns and fears, while others may be reluctant. If you suspect something is wrong yet your child insists. “Everything’s fine,” it’s okay to say “I hear you, but actually, things don’t look ‘fine’ to me.” Tell them what you’ve noticed academically, socially or behaviorally and invite them to share their concerns so that together you can work through them.
In addition to asking questions of your child, communicate with teachers/counselors too. There’s no need to wait for a scheduled parent-teacher conference to address what you’ve uncovered or ask teachers what they’ve noticed about your kid’s performance or behavior.
For some issues a more in-depth intervention may be required. Depending on your school, you may be able to request neuro-psychological testing or you can schedule this privately. Use findings to advocate for appropriate in-school/out of school services and resources including but not limited to academic accommodations (preferential seating, extended time for testing, lesson modification etc.) Find a child therapist if that’s what’s called for. Turn to a parent coach with childhood development and education credentials for specified intervention.
There are a host of professionals trained to spot issues and help students feel confident and be successful, so don’t hesitate to use them. If you focus on resolving problems at the first sign, the quicker your kid gets back on track. In the long run, that’s best for students, teachers and parents alike.
Step 3: Follow-up
This third step is crucial to ensuring your child is getting what they need on an ongoing basis.
If your child is getting support services in school or if you have hired external professionals like OT, PT or tutoring, don’t just assume your role is done. It is important to stay in contact with those individuals to ensure that appropriate goals are being set and regularly evaluated. Your role will vary depending on the age of your children, but regular updates are valuable for the whole team. Further, this models an important skill for your children to check in with themselves on how they are feeling.
If your child has an IEP (Individual Education Program) or a 504 Plan, follow-up is pivotal. In public schools, there are formal guidelines for regular IEP meetings and adherence to the plan. Make sure those meetings get scheduled and that your kid is getting the services and accommodations outlined. Too often I hear from parents that services identified at their IEP meeting were not consistently provided and it was hard for their children to learn to advocate for themselves without initial parental support.
Step 4: Repeat
As you well know, nothing is one-and-done when it comes to parenting. As children grow, their needs and ability to cope grow with them. That’s why your mindful attention, intervention and follow-up activities need be nonstop.
Naturally, parental intervention may be more direct during primary school. But even then -- when you are actively advocating for your child when they’re not old enough to do it for themselves -- you are modeling the different ways they can learn to be their own advocates as they move into high school and beyond.
But school isn’t just about performance. When it comes to raising kids, the question to continually ask is, “What is my goal with this decision or course of action?” Knowing the answer contributes mightily to the environment you create.
For most parents, happily, the goal is to build a lifelong learner who feels empowered about learning, and raising a capable, confident and launch-able young adult. To make that a reality, parents need to foster an atmosphere where scholastic enjoyment and exploration are just as valued as scholastic achievement.
It all boils down to how you talk to your kids. If you focus more on a student’s effort and tenacity than on their grade, then hard work and engagement will be their aim too. When you make what they learned participating in the science fair, writing their first term paper or playing sports just as important as the ribbon, grade or trophy earned, then you’re well on your well to producing the best “whole” child possible.