It’s a supreme understatement to say the last two academic years have been extremely challenging for kids and parents alike. And experience has shown no one can predict what might unfold in the 2022/2023 school year. So as parents, the absolute best we can do is deal with the things that are within our control, one of my key tenets of intentional parenting.
In part, that means helping our kids prepare for school several weeks before the year starts, a topic I explored several years ago in a post entitled “Back-to- School Checklist.”
This year, however, I want to offer a yearlong back-to-school strategy!
The idea is to set an intention for the upcoming academic year: one new behavior or mindful action you can return to again and again as the year unfolds…no matter what comes your way. Here are some examples of what I mean.
Preschool through kindergarten. Our littlest ones love routine and predictability. In fact, they need it; it’s one of the things that help them feel safe and secure. Transitions? They’re especially difficult for this youngest set of school-goers.
This year, perhaps your “do one thing differently” intention is to go beyond ensuring the transition to the first day or first week of school goes smoothly.
Make an intention to be particularly mindful that for youngsters, transitional moments happen all year long!
When you think about it, the end of every weekend or holiday break or even missing school while home with a cold is in fact a transitional moment, and each one needs to be seen, honored, and prepared for as such. Be mindful not to consider your child problematic or regressive if they're reluctant to return to school after a break of any kind. Given the impact of recurring transitions on them, take extra steps to prepare them, rehearse with them, and reassure them.
Elementary school. By the time kids get to first grade, they have an easier time cognitively with the structure of the Monday-Friday school week. Some youngsters, of course, might still need help with transitions, but going to elementary school each day is typically looked forward to because every day feels new and exciting. One survey indicated that 70% of kids say they enjoy going to school -- either because they love to learn or they enjoying being with their friends.
That positive statistic means most kids are in a pretty good frame of mind around school. But that doesn’t mean they don’t need and want their parents.
For this group, your year-long intention could be to stay available and visible to your kids during homework time -- even if homework is something they do willingly. While they may not know how to communicate it, a parent’s physical presence grounds kids even if there isn’t much interaction. Plus, being within sight can help them stay on track if they get stuck or have a quick question about how to interpret a teacher’s instruction.
Speaking of class assignments, I’ve long been a huge proponent of having a homework station that contributes to an environment for success -- especially for elementary kids. It can be as simple as a rolling cart with stocked with all the supplies a kid could need. As they get a little older, they can be in charge of keeping it organized and letting you know when any inventory is low.
Teens. Teens are in full individuation mode, which makes parenting them a balancing act. We need to respect the developmental imperative of their separation while recognizing their ongoing need for parenting. We need to be present and observant, but allow them opportunities to safely flex their growing capacity to do things independently. So many parents struggle to enjoy the teenage years so I have two suggestions to consider.
The first is to ground yourself each day in the core values you’ve been working to instill in your children. You know the ideals and principles you want to instill in your teens as they mature, so leverage every bit of praise for a job well done or every correction of a misstep as an opportunity to restate and reinforce your family’s values. Be sure you connect the rules you set to the values that matter to you.
The second idea is to set up weekly or biweekly check-ins to intentionally identify where they’re excelling…where they’re on track…and where they may be struggling to meet expectations. Here’s why: When teens first go to or return to high school, their sense of anticipation is high. They’re excited to see their friends; early lessons are relatively easy; they’ve reunited with their teammates on the field or their musician pals in band. But things can quickly get out of balance when it comes to juggling more rigorous academics, social life, screens and personal issues. Regular check-ins are also a built-in opportunity to teach your teens how to advocate for themselves and help them get back on track before things completely derail.
College. With the exception of stay-at-home students, college is a master class in parenting by remote. You’ll obviously have little control over the day-to-day actions of your college-bound offspring. But you can keep out-of-sight from morphing into out-of-mind by agreeing to regular check-ins. The plan will be different for each family, of course, but setting this intention creates an opportunity for students to share their experiences and get support as they adjust to their new world order.
Ongoing support is particularly important for freshmen. Even if your child enters university as an A student or has been staunchly anti-drinking/drugs, the freedom of college life can be unsettling. Every time you talk, reiterate that their health and wellness if more important than anything can happen at school. That way, if your kid gets into trouble in any way, they already know it’s not a source of shame, and that you can be counted on to be supportive and receptive to their needs.
Regular check-ins are also a built-in safeguard for clearly articulating your values and expectations when it comes to holiday breaks. This guards against being parents who only see their kid for one hour at the Thanksgiving table! And if your college student plan to travel over breaks, you can make discussing those trips in advance a part of your check-ins.
Setting an intention that lasts a school year can be difficult; we all “forget” and need encouragement to keep doing what we know is best. So consider this intention: share this post with a parent you’re close to and collaborate with one another throughout the year. This way, everyone gets the support they need.