As we prepare for another year-end, many of us anticipated things would be different.
By every measure imaginable, modern family life across the globe was totally and utterly upended by the onset of the coronavirus pandemic in early 2020. Not a single dimension was left untouched.
When 2021 arrived and the promise of vaccines were on the horizon, many of us were lulled into the fantasy that the year would end with the pandemic mostly behind us. Instead, many of our local communities -- and certainly many countries around the world -- are still in the grip of the virus and its personal, physical, familial, social and economic effects.
The pandemic put an unexpected and unable-to-prepare-for strain on families, particularly the most vulnerable. Yet families survived by being flexible and creative and, many times, through sheer force of will. We created micro-communities, followed the science, worked and schooled from home, shared our fears so they wouldn’t overwhelm us, and mostly did whatever we, as parents, believed would keep our children and one another safe and protected.
The luckiest among us learned a lot, both about ourselves and what it takes to be a resilient member of a global community facing an unprecedented threat. Tragically, the loss for some is inestimable, with the worldwide death toll from COVID currently at 5+ million.
With every new closure, every new set of rules and every dashed dream, parents had to make decisions for which we often had insufficient information. Through it all -- the struggles and successes; loves and losses; frustrations and grace -- every family unknowingly spent the past 22 months crafting their own COVID story.
I began thinking about this notion of a Family COVID Story about midway through the pandemic. I watched with fascination as my clients, friends and relatives crafted strategies to survive something no mom or dad (save the epidemiologists among us) imagined would ever befall the planet.
So…how might you tell your family’s COVID story…and what might it reveal? What did you learn about your family’s priorities? Were you surprised to discover any particular strengths or challenges?
I learned that I defaulted to taking care of my college age children who initially returned home. This wasn’t respectful of their competencies or my sanity. I was reminded of the power of the pivot, the ability to take a moment to acknowledge what isn’t working and problem solve together. I was struck by how fearful I was, and still am, about getting sick and what it means to me in terms of potential isolation in a hospital. I realized I missed most the ease of connecting to family and friends and the lack of spontaneity the virus and my anxiety created. I was gratified to feel the love of my large extended family as we all prioritized more phone and zoom calls with each other even as we all navigated this crisis differently. I marveled at my children’s resilience as they managed the myriad losses and challenges of school, work and social connections in a COVID world. At moments when I worked to survive, I watched others thrive and was inspired.
If we’ve learned anything through COVID, it’s that every parent and child plays a critical and unique role in the family system. So, as we enter the holiday season, consider reflecting on your family’s COVID story. Here are some ideas to get you started.
· ‘Design your mask’ art project. Paint or color on disposable ones, or work digitally to create them. It will be a powerful visual reference of this experience.
· Gather up a mountain of magazines and have everyone rip out evocative images, words or headlines and make a family COVID collage
· Create a COVID photo scrapbook, including Zoom screenshots.
· Simply list and acknowledge the individual and/or family highlights (and lowlights) of 2020
· Enlist the help of your ever-more-tech-savvy kids into creating a video version of your family’s experience
It’s hard to put into words just how emboldened I have been witnessing the courage, doggedness and resilience of the families in my orbit. Throughout the last 20 months, these people have buoyed me in my own dark moments, strengthened my commitment to supporting families through my parent-coaching practice, and reinforced my passion for nurturing familial connections, both biologic and created.