Our society is seemingly struggling to accept the dialectic, which I am defining broadly as the ability to tolerate the truth of contradictory information. More simply put, two things can be true at the same time. In dialectical thinking, we can recognize and accept opposite ideas and reconcile them as both being true, rather than reject that which does not align with our thinking. Our political environment is a stark example of how binary thinking, this OR that, has created massive polarization and manifested in lack of civility of discourse.
I am not pretending to be able to influence the growing paradigm of the angry binary, rather, I want my clients to have the language to confront this in their own homes, with their own children. Ultimately, I am motivated to help parents feel empowered and more confident and I want them to have meaningful relationship with their children for life.
So, how does all of this translate to talking to your kids about politics and why does it matter?
· Your children need to know your values which should be stated overtly and reflected in how you comport yourself in life. They should see those values reflected in your parenting decisions, how you speak and act in your community, and how you allocate your resources.
· Your children are listening and watching. If they don’t see this practice of holding two conflicting thoughts in mind modelled, how can we expect them to learn how to do it themselves?
· If you can help your children understand the power of the dialectic, they will be better for it in all areas of their lives.
· How you talk about politics, or the politics of others, matters. Embracing the dialectic increases our ability to engage in democracy in a civil and productive way.
And what are some concrete things you might consider?
· Demonstrate how your political values derive from the core values your kids see in action in your home everyday.
· Take your children with you when you vote; this shares your values and your civic commitment.
· Recognize your kids may have a different perspective on an issue, encourage them to share their viewpoints and beliefs and respect them as you would have them respect yours.
· Take the (age-appropriate) opportunities to watch/discuss the news and investigate the veracity of claims and facts cited by different sources. It is not easy to ‘do the research’ when so we are deluged with round the clock information.
· As Brene Brown said about her daughter who grew up in a family where the grandparents were ideologically opposed, the differences “didn’t necessary always shape her politics and beliefs, but it shaped her willingness to be kind and understanding towards people she disagrees with.”
In what is becoming a more ‘black and white’ world, seeing the gray is aspirational and important. I’m committed to trying because I believe it will be better for my peace of mind, my parenting, and my community.